Write a Story With Your Child

At one point in this parenting adventure, I had three little ones 3 years old and under. So there were many days of blocks and trucks and dolls and tummy time all happening simultaneously. I built towers of blocks so that Anderson could have the joy of knocking them down. Again and again. Although other mothers assured me that the kids would get older, I have to admit that there were days when I did not believe them. The “little years” can be a grand mixture of overwhelming monotony and amazing milestones.

In the midst of those days when I was sure that I would always be changing diapers and wiping carrots out of someone’s hair, I would ask Anderson questions just to hear his answers.

“If this turtle could fly would he have rotor blades like a helicopter or wings like a bird?”

“If we were small enough to fit into your toy trucks, what would we do?”

He was young enough to actually answer these crazy questions and his answers gave me a glimpse into his imagination. During one of his cowboy phases, around age 5, we wrote a story named Buck the Cowboy. I was just going for a beginning, middle and end, but Anderson threw in the conflict and resolution on his own and made it a complete story. It was such a fun project that I wanted to share it with you.

To write a story with your child:

1. Start with a subject your child enjoys. Anderson started the ball rolling by drawing a picture of a cowboy. I asked questions about the picture and wrote his answers. Choosing a time when your child is in the right frame of mind is also important. Keep a notebook nearby to jot down their answers. Buck the Cowboy wore a big cowboy hat. He was tall. He wore brown cowboy boots. He had a horse named Brownie. Buck loved to ride and throw ropes and sing and do things all by himself.

2. Ask questions. Even if the conversation sounds like the latest episode of your child’s favorite television show, ask questions to get your story-teller going. The action part of our story evolved when I asked “What did Buck do? “What happened next?” One day he went to the store to buy cowboy ropes. And it was a good thing he did. Later that day, Buck the Cowboy was riding on his horse and Brownie was going too fast. Brownie tried to stop but he could not. So Buck threw out his rope and it landed on a cactus. They slid past the cactus. Soon they stopped. “Whew!” Buck said. “That was close!”

3. Include your child’s personality in the story. If there is a phrase he likes to say, or if she has a favorite color or song, include this in your story. The last sentence of our story was classic Anderson and he loved hearing his words in the story. Later I wrote a story for Maggie about a princess who loved to climb and swing on things. She loved it.

4. Put the pictures and words together. I took pictures of Anderson’s drawings and pasted them into a Word document. Then I typed the words under the pictures. It only took three pages including the cover of our book, but he was so proud of it.

My little cowboy turned 10 this week. These days his stories are filled with spaceships and alien attacks. I still love it when he illustrates his stories, because I get a glimpse of what is going on in his imagination. Grab these moments when you can ask the crazy questions and get answers not bound by reality. Our little storytellers will grow, as will their stories, and we have the perfect view to watch each chapter unfold.

Erin

What are You Sowing?

Dead grass covers the ground, trees are bare, the sky is gray and life seems a bit drab in January. The evergreens keep us sane while the rest of the world seems lifeless.

But just because everything looks bleak does not mean that it is. The ground holds many seeds, the trees are very alive, and all is just waiting for Spring so that leaves and buds can burst forth and make that life evident to the watching world.

Life can be hard as a mom. You tend to the soil in your children’s life and toil endlessly and sometimes it feels like you are stuck in winter. The only problem is, you may not think of it as winter at the moment, just barrenness and deadness.

It’s funny how tangible, visible things can be so motivating. The things that matter least sometimes become the things we end up measuring ourselves by because we can  see them. It’s funny how I can feel like such a failure as a mom and wife if my house is dirty– yet what if the reason for the dirty house is not negligence but endless tending to needy souls? It’s amazing how fast the house can be cleaned at any time, but sometimes you can miss the moment someone is open and ready to lay their soul bare to you and cry out for help. I hope I don’t miss that moment because I am doing dishes.

Don’t get me wrong– an orderly home is a wonderful ministry to my family, and one for which I strive. But let me never be so focused on the tangible that I miss the intangible.

One day last week I was discouraged by some of the tangibles in my life. As I opened God’s word that day, Matthew 13:31-32 was just the encouragement I needed:

He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.

No one can see the mustard seed buried in the ground, but that doesn’t mean it is not there. Maybe it seems silly to spend time planting, watering, tending to something that is unseen– but it is not. The Bible also teaches, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7)

So, Moms, don’t be discouraged. Don’t think what you do to encourage, train, and equip your children every day does not matter. You may not be able to see the seed buried in the ground, but that does not mean it does not need to be tended. Do not lose heart!

Satan would like you to measure your life based only on the visible. Does your home look like a Pinterest board? Could your muffins be featured on the Food Network? That’s great– but don’t get so caught up in those things that you neglect the seed. There aren’t many people waiting to applaud you for being a good mother, and that is what makes it so hard. You will get likes on Facebook for cute pictures of your kids, your mom friends will be amazed at how you can keep your home so well organized, but  no one sees you water the seed every day, so no one is there to cheer you on as you do it.

Yet in the end, you will reap what you sow. So please do not grow weary. Please do not lose heart. When Spring comes, your heart will be glad as you enjoy watching God grow his kingdom around you. All the applause you did not hear before will be made up one day when you hear your Father say, “Well done!”

How to Make A Travel Pillow for Kids

Being on a road trip with children definitely has its moments. (And by road trip I mean being in the car together for more than one hour.) Once they are finally drifting off to sleep and things are quiet, it is very disheartening to look in the rearview mirror and see their poor little heads in the most uncomfortable positions. You know that if you stop the car to adjust their heads, they will either wake up grouchy (not what you want) or will resume the same position once you start driving again. It’s a dilemma that tugs at any mother’s heart, because they look so sweet when they are asleep. (No matter how they acted right before going to sleep.) This year for Christmas my sister-in-law, Angela, made travel pillows for each one of my kids. These were the perfect gift! The kids love them and wear them in the car even if we’re not going very far. I love them because now I can resist the urge to become Elastigirl while driving.

To make a travel pillow you will need:

• ¼ yard of 60” fleece
• Tracing paper or tissue paper
• Thread to match your material
• Straight pins
• Polyfill or Fiberfill stuffing

Step 1: The Pattern

There is a free travel pillow PDF pattern at hiraganamama.wordpress.com that you can print out, and transfer onto tracing paper. These are for 2T and 4T sizes. Since my children are older, Angela freehanded a horseshoe shape onto tissue paper. She made sure the base of the pattern was at least 6 inches wide. She also adjusted the width of the pillow to a size suitable for older children. She also made sure the pattern was long enough to fit around her neck with 1 ¼ inches of extra space.

Step 2: Fold your fabric in half with the right sides together. Fleece, flannel, soft knits, cotton or denim material will work well for this project. It is always a good idea to pre-wash the fabric before you begin.

Step 3: Lay the pattern on the fabric and pin them together. Cut out the pattern. Instead of cutting right next to the pattern, leave about a 1/4 inch space between the edge of the pattern and where you cut the material.

Step 4: Remove your pattern, but keep the pieces of fabric pinned together. It’s time to sew these two together! Be sure to leave a ¼ inch seam allowance as you sew it together. Leave a 4” opening in one of the short ends.

Step 5: Turn your pillow right side out and stuff it. Use more filling for a firm pillow, or use less for a softer pillow. Then sew the opening by hand with a blind stitch. If you are looking for an easy sewing project to do with an older child, this would be a great one. Fleece is an easy material to work with, and this project could be sewn by hand. May your road trips and grocery runs be filled with the peaceful sound of children sleeping!

Erin

How Not to Parent

When I was a young parent, I was so enthusiastic. I read books and met people who seemed to be doing a great job as parents, attempting to glean wisdom from them. And I did learn a lot.

As a very young parent, I thought I had the parenting thing down. Then would come some new food for thought, and I would read and ask questions and search for answers again.

After a few cycles of this, I became less and less sure of myself as a parent. People I respected made mistakes, books I read contradicted one another on some points, and my children sometimes left me baffled and confused.

While some of the books I read had been particularly helpful to me, I still had to wonder if their way was the only way. Eventually I realized the Bible gives very few direct commands on parenting, but a lot of wisdom on living a life that honors God, along with a long narrative of the Father’s love for us.

After many years of searching His word, I see a lot of latitude in how to honor God as a parent. I see that God deals with different people differently, even though He is unchanging.

Recognizing this, I try to avoid advice that says “You must do it this way” on this blog. At the same time, I think I am probably pretty safe to say, “Please avoid these pitfalls.”

So, with that spirit, I have thought of a list of 10 things not to do as a parent:

1. Don’t bail your child out every time, or she will never learn from her mistakes
2. Don’t criticize everything your child does and don’t forget to encourage him as well
3. Don’t live in such a way you would not want your child to follow in your footsteps
4. Don’t forget you are the parent
5. Don’t neglect to train and discipline your children
6. Don’t tie your child’s worth to something that can be taken away from him
7. Don’t give your children everything except your time
8. Don’t center your life completely around your child
9. Don’t fail to see who your child is in an attempt to make him what you want him to be
10. Don’t forget to ask for forgiveness when you fail

Obviously, there are many more that could be added, as well as some variations on the above. I often see God’s grace toward me when I see a mistake someone else has made that I can hopefully avoid.

Still, I make mistakes. In the end, the best help to me as a parent has not been all the books I have read or all the mistakes I have seen, but rather an ongoing relationship with a Heavenly Father who continues to show His love for me. His complete word speaks to me as a parent, not just some passages in Ephesians and Proverbs, because His complete word shows me more and more of His love to His children. So I will add one more don’t to my list above:

Don’t rely on any parenting advice or method more than you rely on your heavenly Father Himself.

He knows and loves you and your child more than anyone, and He will guide you if you seek Him.

Stefani

Celebrate Life With a Pirate Party! Arrg!

I love birthdays. It’s the only time people say “You’re alive! Let’s celebrate!”  I especially love celebrating my children’s birthdays. It is my way of telling each one of my children that I am so glad they are here.

When Anderson turned four, he was crazy about pirates. When I searched for pirate party ideas, I ran across things like “I started planning my child’s birthday party nine months in advance.” Are you serious?  I usually start planning a birthday party just a few weeks before the actual birthday, and I do have a realistic budget to try to work within. So my birthday party ideas have to work with real life in mind.

That being said, a certain phenomenon does occur when I am in the midst of party planning.  My husband calls it “mushrooming”.  Mushrooming is when I have an idea and during the planning process, creative juices start flowing and the idea gets bigger…and bigger… This is more likely to happen when I brainstorm with my mother. She is the most creative person I know and when she is involved with an idea, it is sure to be amazing!

Costumes

Mom and I went to our local thrift shop to look for costume ideas. When costume hunting in a thrift shop, the key is to look at an item and see not what it is, but what it could become.  The possibilities are endless and mushrooming is certain. We found swishy pants and a scarf for Anderson and a..ahem..blouse, vest, scarf, and swishy pants for our fearless Captain Ulerich to wear on the treasure hunt.

Party Favors

The party favor bags were made of yellow-gold felt and tied with a black ribbon. I placed them in a chest along with colorful costume jewelry.

Participation

My husband put on his costume and became a pirate captain complete with the gravely growl. Another dad came in full pirate costume and helped create the pirate atmosphere. The kids loved having grown-ups get in on the fun.

Pirate Ship

During the party planning, my husband actually got involved in the mushrooming on his own. I merely made a comment (“Wouldn’t it be great to have a ship for the kids to ride in for the treasure hunt?”) and he caught the vision. Cardboard began piling up in our garage. Then paint appeared and by the day of the party there was a vessel in our front yard, ready to set sail. The pirate ship ended up being the star of the show and the kids played on it during most of the party.

To make the pirate ship, Stephen flattened refrigerator boxes and attached them to a sided trailer. After cutting the cardboard into the shape of the boat, he painted it to look like the sides of a ship.  Then he stretched two 2x4s across the trailer and drilled a hole in the middle of each to hold the masts of the ship. We used white sheets as sails, although they stayed rolled up the entire time. As a finishing touch, he placed a 5 gallon bucket on top for a crow’s nest.

Party Activity

Pirates and parents boarded the ship and set off on a 1 mile voyage to find buried treasure. After Captain Ulerich led his band of pirates to the treasure, they set sail back to our house for cake and ice cream.

As you plan birthday parties for the little ones in your life, enjoy the planning process and let your creative juices flow. May your parties mushroom into wonderful celebrations of life!

Erin

Your Marriage and Your Children

When I began this blog, I remember writing about the importance of keeping our investment in the children of our lives in perspective with all areas of our lives. I talked about how our life was like a symphony, and unless we kept everything in balance– watching and following the conductor– it  would not sound beautiful.

Ultimately, the most important thing we can do for our children is to watch the conductor. If we loose sight of Him, we will not do well.

As the conductor guides our family conduct, he does not want us to focus merely on our children. In Ephesians, Paul writes about the roles of wives, husbands, and children together. These are all important components in a healthy family, and our families are connected in such a way that what affects one part of us affects the whole.   If you are concerned about investing in your children, you should not forget this.

Today I want to write about one of the most important aspects of this– marriage. I know that not every parent is married, and not every marriage is a happy one. Sometimes, there is nothing we can do about this. If this is your case, do not despair, but trust the Lord to provide all that you and your children need.

But many of us are married, and if we are, we cannot neglect the impact that our marriage has on our children.

Recently, my husband and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. Every year so far, we have been able to celebrate by getting away for at least one night, and sometimes several (this is thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law!). This year we visited the mountains of North Carolina. Sometimes people wonder how we can stand to leave the children behind to do this. I admit, it has been hard for me sometimes in the beginning, but the truth is– I believe these times of celebrating and strengthening our marriage has done nothing but benefit our children.

Of course, this strengthening of our marriage isn’t only comprised of something we do once a year. You may not have that opportunity, but you can still set time aside for the same purpose in some form or fashion.

You and your husband are the number one model to your children of what a relationship should look like. If you have a harmonious relationship, your example will help your children far more than all the teaching in the world. And if it is rocky, it will make their attempts to learn how to relate to others that much harder. They can overcome such an obstacle with the help of the Lord, but how much better to give them a good example!

If you find yourself neglecting your marriage, please choose today to honor God and help your children by shining the light of God’s word on this area of your life.

Many of you may be at the point of desperation– maybe your husband is in a dark place and he shows no desire to have a good marriage. If that is the case, you may feel hopeless. Please do not despair! We serve a God of hope! It would be tempting to give up in such a case, but instead I encourage you to trust God with your marriage and take responsibility in whatever areas you can. Focus on the things you can do, and not on the areas your husband may have failed you. See yourself as his help meet, and if he is struggling, seek to help him, not blame him for his failings.  Use what you have been learning through the series on love, and direct those things not just toward your children, but also to your husband. Try taking the Love Dare or the Respect Dare (or both). Read The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace. This is my number one book recommendation for all wives other than the Bible itself. Seek out an older married woman with a strong marriage to glean wisdom.

Most of all, make your marriage a matter of serious prayer, and search the Bible for wisdom. Do not think your marriage is beyond hope. Our God is the ruler of the universe– there is nothing beyond his power.

Show love to God, your children, and your husband by focusing some attention on your mate, all the while fixing your eyes on Christ.

Blessings,

Stefani

The Power of “Being With”

The word “with” has been grabbing my attention lately. It started in December when we began singing songs about how God sent Jesus to be Immanuel – God with us. Jesus came, not only to be our Savior, but to walk side by side with His people, to feel what we feel, to literally walk in our shoes for a time.

Then He sent the Holy Spirit to live inside His people, to intimately know us, that we may never again be alone. “I will be with you always,” He said. He is always with us. We are never alone.

And while I basked in the security that God is with me, I began to notice my children using this word.

Will you snuggle with me, play with me, read a book with me?

Last week my daughter Maggie wrote a story. In her story a princess was rescued, of course, by a prince. The last sentence in her story grabbed me:  They had a date, then a wedding.  They had 8 children and they played with them. Her version of “And they lived happily ever after” is “They played with their children.”

Being with is important to children. We do many things for our children but it is what we do with them that will have the greatest impact in their lives. We work to provide basic necessities or the things they want. And they will probably appreciate that when they are grown. But it is what we do with them that will speak to their hearts and allow us to influence their lives for years to come.

When I’ve made the choice to pause the grown-up stuff and stop to be with my children, I have learned that my youngest daughter is a natural party planner. My middle child cares what others think of her, maybe a little too much. And my oldest is itching to invent something that will change the world. These discoveries didn’t come from asking a list of clever questions or through interrogating my children. They came by taking time to be with them in their world, on their level.

As you stand at the beginning of this new year could your family benefit from you being with your children? Here is a list of ideas to help you be with the children in your life.

1.       Try something new with your child.  A few months ago Anderson and I trained for a 5k. In the process of training we set goals together, pushed and encouraged each other, and gasped for air at the top of each hill. We talked about endurance and perseverance, topics that may not have come up otherwise.

2.       Do something your child enjoys.  This may take some sacrifice, especially if you don’t enjoy the same things, or if you are competitive. Go on a bike ride or go roller skating and let your child set the pace. Play a board game together. Yatzhee, Uno, Beat the Parents and HeadBandz top the list at our house.

3.       Step into their world and enhance it. If your child enjoys painting, sign up for an afternoon art class together. Build a Lego set together. Work a puzzle at their pace.  Have a tea party. Watch them play their favorite computer game and listen as they tell you about it. Read to them or let them to read to you. Slow down. This is about being together, not about getting something accomplished.

4.       Be intentional. Without planning, being with will not happen. One idea I want to do this year is to plan to do something with your children each month on the date of their birthday. For example, Maggie’s birthday is November 9. So, on the ninth of each month I will plan something for us to do. It could be as simple as taking a walk together or going out to supper together. The point is to be together.

When I was in elementary school my father would occasionally say, “Let’s go to Dairy Queen.” My sister and I loved these DQ runs because Daddy would let us order whatever we wanted from the menu. We would go through the drive through line to get our order, then sit in the parking lot, eat our ice cream treats and talk. While in the beginning our talks weren’t very deep, these DQ runs set the foundation for times when the talks were about things that really mattered.

The important things in life are usually behind the scenes. If we let our pace of life run too fast or get too busy, we will miss the real meaning of our children’s  “with me” questions.   As our children get older, being with translates into being for. And in this life, with all its twists and turns, our children need to know we are for them. And if it takes eating ice cream or strapping on roller skates to get to this point, the journey will be well worth it.

Looking forward to a new year with each one of you!

Erin

Finding Balance in the New Year

My mom got me a wii balance board for Christmas. The first time I got on it and did the balancing exercises it said my wii age was 9 years older than I really am. Ouch! But I am not surprised, because finding balance is always something that takes a little time for me. Oh how I need to remember that right now!

Because each year as the new year rolls in, I don’t necessarily make resolutions (although sometime I do), but I do always take time to note where I am at and where I would like to be, and think about what steps I need to take to get there. Most of the time I look forward to this and once I’ve evaluated things, I am thankful I see what areas I need to focus on. Then I start work on finding balance in the new year.

This year reminds me of one of the games that came with my balance board. I am standing in a circus ring trying to balance on a giant ball, while people throw balls at me and I attempt to throw them back. I didn’t do so well on it.

As I look around at my life where I am living in a new place with a house full of girls and trying to balance all that comes with that in addition to my own children and husband, I feel a bit like I am trying to juggle on a circus ball. As I look at the picture of where I want to be, I really can’t say I know exactly how to get there. I have prioritized and made lists and scheduled and my planner is so full it leaves little room for those unexpected things that matter more than clean floors and exercise–like encouraging young souls and training them up in the way they should go.

But thankfully, I know in times past when I have felt this way, it has been one of the best places I can be. Because there is no way I am getting through this one on my own strength, I am a lot less likely to try to. I can’t fall back on my own understanding, so I have to trust in His. So I will pray for God to multiply the fish and the loaves and sustain me and my home this year.

This doesn’t mean I was not anxiously peering into the unknown yesterday with dread as I looked around at all the items to unpack from our Christmas vacation, along with all the new toys and gifts to find places for when all of our cupboards and closets are already crammed full and in need of reorganizing. Far worse, it doesn’t mean I don’t wonder sometimes at how I will be able to guide my children and my girls to the right path. When I see signs of weeds coming in and choking out the seed I wonder how I will be able to pick them all.

And yet, I have a vision of the Proverbs 31 woman who rises early and goes to bed late working for her family and yet smiles at the future, not worrying about it. It is because her trust is in the Lord that she can do this. Surely her day was full. Surely she had much to do and never stopped. And she could not have known how it would all work out. But she did not stop doing the things that needed to be done. She trusted the God who cares for the lilies and the sparrows, and can’t I do the same?

And so, as I face this new year of uncertainty, I ask for wisdom from the God “who gives liberally and without reproach.” (James 1:5)

I trust Him to work in me and accomplish what He wants to accomplish. I trust Him to equip me for the tasks He has called me to. And I move forward, seeking to be a good steward and increase what He has given to me, not fearfully hide it in the sand.